Losing a loved one is very, very painful and difficult for anyone to endure. In some ways, it is more painful when we lose a loved one than if we personally are experiencing sickness and great pain.

When we lose a loved one, there are so many different emotions confronting us. These emotions can run the gamut of human feelings. What could I have done to help more? Why did God do this? I should have said this or done that. How will I survive on my own? 

Talking or writing about losing a loved one is a very, personal, and emotional topic. I don’t pretend to have all the answers that will help someone survive such painful times. What I do have is the experience of living through the death of family members including, spouses, a young son and friends/relatives who died much “before their time”.

I believe writing about these painful feelings actually helps the healing process. Writing about our feelings and also fears, validates them and helps us live though the pain and feelings of loss. The writing does not have to be great writing, just your words expressing how you feel including fear of the future and concerns about your welfare.

Through facing and embracing the pain of loss, we can see more quickly the light at the end of the tunnel. We eventually learn that light "does shine" through the darkness and we will feel peace again someday.  By not "facing the pain of loss" directly, we place ourselves in an "artificial place" trying to protect ourselves and survive day to day. I do not think there are shortcuts to avoid or minimize the pain we feel when we lose a loved one. I do feel we need to face the loss and not run away or avoid the healing process.

I don’t pretend my approach is the best for everyone who experiences the loss of a loved one. I do know for me, facing the loss and writing about it helped me heal more quickly and move forward in life. Reaching out to help other people actually helps us heal as there are always those who are "worse off" than what we are personally going through.

Blessings, hope and love to you,


I have added a study guide entitled Losing A Loved One, For "Anyone Experiencing Personal Loss"

NOTE: You might want to check out Studies called; "Facing Pain & Trouble", "Living in a Gray World"  and "Personal Journey & Purpose".  These short studies have helped me in times of personal loss.  Just click: " Bible Study Guides" at the top of this page. 


Where am I?

Where am I?

I don't really know

Thought I was 
moving ahead

Thought I was 
making progress

Now, I don't think so

Running in place

Spinning my wheels


Walking on a treadmill

Fast track to nowhere

Nowhere where man!
Maybe so

The question should be

Where am I going?

But more importantly

Where have I been?

Where am I now?

Why am I here? 

Why don’t I know?

Maybe the future 
will reveal itself

I hope so

I pray so

Sometime soon

Soon, because I can’t 
keep this fast pace for long

I can’t maintain this high 
activity level indefinitely


Because there is nothing 
behind this fast pace

Stopping reveals a lost person

Slowing down reveals 
someone concerned

Concerned how I 
move forward

Move forward 
without my wife

Move forward 
without her in my life

I need answers of 
substance soon 

If not, the spinning wheel 
will reveal empty space preoccupied


09/21/1999 Before dinner,  
Axis in Seattle

Pain, Negative or Positive?

Don't feel much pain today
I don’t know why

Am in pain,
I think.

Don’t feel anything

No feelings of love
No feelings of hate
No feelings of hope

Would feel something
Should feel something

Must feel something,
I think

Feeling neither pain nor peace
Peace or pain, the same to me
I should care, but I don’t

I do care,
I think

Love or hate?
What’s the difference?

I don’t think
I don’t care
I don’t feel

Does anyone care?

I don’t

I am neither in a negative
nor positive mood

Maybe, I would like to be
neutral for a while

Sounds like a good
position to be 

Neither in pain nor in peace
Neither loved nor hated
Neither alive nor dead

But, on second thought

Neutrality would be painful
Too painful just accepting
Too painful just existing

Lord, give me the pain
of a true heart

10/03/1999 Coal Creek Chapel

Jumbled Thoughts

 What do I feel? 

I don’t know and 
maybe don’t care

What should I 
be feeling?

If you don’t care, 
neither do I

I just had a 
revelation as I write

A timely message to 
lead me into the future
A clear message 
from the past

“Should” is a word I am 
not supposed to use

That is what Arlene 
used to say

Why did she say this?

Because she knew
She knew someday I would 
have problems with reality

Problems with acceptance
Problems in moving 
forward with my life

She knew “should”
is a word of the past

You cannot say, “should” 
moving forward

Exactly her point

I now know why 

02/14/2000 Hotel in Memphis


Don’t be Fooled

 Don’t be fooled by my 
seemingly positive attitude

Don’t be fooled by my bravado
Don't be fooled my intellectual explanations I am doing OK

Don’t think I have it together,
or presume I am healing rapidly 

The truth is, I have never 
hurt so much in my life

Never had such great pain,
or felt such total loss in my life

Don’t let me fool you

There was so much pain,
I thought I had died

Felt all had been lost

Feelings of worst case 
scenario, magnified a
thousand times

In some ways, 
I think I did die

So much of me was lost 
when Arlene passed away

Friends and relatives tried 
to prepare me for the loss
Thought I knew 
what to expect

So much reality of loss, 
my life came to an end

My loss so great as to be 
born again in the light of life

Pain so intense it dulled 
my reaction to life’s realities 

In reality, my spirit has 
risen from the ashes 
of life on earth

In reality, a clearness of understanding there is 
only one way forward

Only one way to honor, 
respect and demonstrate 
total love for my wife

You see

We can 
determine the future

We can move forward 

Respecting the past
Honoring the present
Receptive to the future

Did I say 
determine the future?

It is in truth true

As long as we accept 
His road map for us 

09/24/1999 All night flight 
Chicago to Paris

Grace and Blessings 

Feelings of peace 
abound in my heart

I am in pain but rejoice
In sorrow but feel blessed
In mourning but with a glow

Why do I have a glow?

Because I was blessed
to have Arlene in my life

I know she is in Heaven

She told us 
about the angels

I am blessed because 
of our great love

We had everything we 
could possibly want

Love for each other

Love for others

Love for God

All we really missed was 
more time on earth

Additional time to love 
and spend time together

But we will have 
forever in eternity

10/09/1999 Coal Creek Chapel

 Loneliness -- I’ve got 
your number


I know you well

Empty feelings 
through my body

I shrink at the clout 
of your unrelenting attack

Shudder at the power 
and  strength of you're 
controlling thoughts


One of Satan’s greatest 
tools of destruction

Satan’s best attack 
on businessmen’s minds

Satan uses loneliness 
as a primary means 
of separating us

A major strategy 
of disarming us

He makes us believe 
we are alone

He tries to prove no one  
cares anything about us


An extremely strong 
human feeling

A logical belief 
as friends desert
An understandable 
belief when relatives 
occasionally disappear
Our belief we are alone 
when spouses disengage

Loneliness is a belief we are alone, unless we have human interaction


We can never be lonely if 
we are truly living with God

We will never be lonely believing
He created, cared, cares 
and saved us

If we have God in our hearts, 
how can we ever be lonely?

It is impossible to be 
lonely with God by our side

Loneliness is of human origin,
exploited by a devious Satan 

Has anyone ever written of 
being lonely in Heaven?

07/25/2000 Dollywood, 
in a small Chapel